Purely out of spite

That's right... A certain skinny someone... oh wait I've got to be more specific than that... CHRIS has been harping on me to do a movie review so here goes.

TOP GUN, BITCHES!

That's right, we're going to apply Chris' movie rating system to the penultimate pilot movie.

1. Car chases: While not a car chase per se, I believe the air-to-air sequences can qualify under this category. There is a scene where a Tom Cruise look-alike tries to drag race an F-14... fool. I think solely for the fact that they tried to pawn off F-5's as Russian Migs, I'm going to subtract .25 and give this category a 0.75/1

2. Attractive Naked Women: Kelly McGillis never actually gets naked, and the sole sex scene is quite possibly the worst ever. I think anyone who calls themselves a fan of the movie skips this scene all together. And the glasses in the debriefing room? I think I had a plastic pair like that when I was 6... they once belonged to a clown. Her callsign is Charlie. 0.5/1
Sidenote: now if they had included some hot make-up lesbian action between Kelly McGillis and Meg Ryan... THAT would have been a 1/1!

3. Explosions/Pyrotechnics: Plenty. So many in fact that the scenes have been blatantly plagarised in recent TV movies and TV series. Imitation being the highest form of flattery, I'm giving this a 1.5/1

4. Cool Technology/Gadgets: Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the F-14. Big, bad, fast. Not to mention being launched off of a nuclear aircraft carrier. A solid 1/1

5. Aliens/Ninjas/Monkey's/Pirates: GO NAVY! yarrr... 1/1

So Top gun pans out to a respectable 4.75/5. Not bad for a 30 year old flick!

Chris, are you happy now?

-J.

Okay, I'll do it...

Okay, okay, I give. A certain person (cough) has been bugging me to write a movie review, and let's face it, there's not a whole lot else to do around here. The night-life isn't what one would call stellar, right boys? Ref last night; why did we bother again? right, the booze..... anyway, another time.

First I'm going to review the movie my way, then afterwards using Chris' cool guy-oriented rating system. So you can skip to the bottom if you can't be botherd to think about the cast, plot, or writing...

So today I watched The Island (2005), which I thought was an entertaining movie (read: don't think too hard...) That and Scarlett Johansson is not only a good actress, but she's...a good actress! Oh, and so is Ewan McGregor, yeah he did a good job too. Sean Bean plays a great bad guy, as usual - a far cry from his role as Sharpe, but let's be honest here he does that evil man thing really well. I kind of feel bad for Steve Buscemi - dude has good acting skills but he's been type-cast pretty hard core over the years. I guess if you have the money maybe it isn't such a big deal, and besides he does look mighty creepy, wouldn't you say? Loved him in Reservoir Dogs, great movie. Last cast mention goes to Michael Clarke Duncan: if I ever need a gigantic scary lookin black dude I know who I'm calling. He's got a pretty small part though - I guess they wanted the wiry black dude in stead (Djimon Hounsou, looking very serious the whole time >:-| hehe). I thought the cast did a great job, which is pretty standard really but should be said anyway.

Plot Outline: A man (Ewan McGregor) goes on the run after he discovers that he is actually a "harvested being", and is being kept along with others in a utopian facility.

Plot and writing wise it was nothing spectacular. The dialogue was pretty good, and the writing did a decent job of working in the important plot issues at appropriate moments. There was an effort to explore some deeper humanity type stuff, like the inherent evil and selfishness of humans blah blah blah. It was semi-engaging and it at least gives you something deeper to think about if you feel so inclined while cars, helicopters, and other random things are blowing up.

And now for the good stuff. The Island (2005)
1. Car Chases: 1/1 Now there's a couple here, and I think the first (also longer of the two) is way better. Why you ask? Well what's important in a car chase?! Destruction on a fairly large scale usually helps make a chase scene worth watching from a dude's point of view. They trash three or four Magnums, an H3, and then they endo an armoured car, use crazy hover-bikes (total star wars rip-off), blow up helicopters....you get the point.
2. Attractive Naked Women: 0.5/1 Scarlett Johansson is smokin hot, and even though you don't see her naked she's smokin hot so a solid half point there.
3. Explosions/Pyrotechnics: 1/1 See above comment about car chase.
4. Cool Technology/Gadgets: 0.5/1 Nothing crazy new here, and like I say they totally ripped off Star Wars for those neato hover-bike contraptions. I want me one of those harpoon handguns though - ain't nobody getting away from you without losing some flesh if you have one of those babies! It's got a laser sight, it must be cool!
5. Aliens/Ninjas/Monkeys/Pirates: 0/1 Yeah, not much doin here I'm afraid. They could have used ninjas at least. That would have been cool.

This one gets a solid 3/5 stars. Hot actress, but could use some nakedness, less ripping-off of other movies, and ninjas. Good for Saturday afternoon entertainment in small town Alberta though. :)

cheers,
Dave

And now for something completely different

Here is the total sum of my opinion on the most recent election:

Electing a political party to clean up government corruption is like hiring a burglar to design your new security system.

Don't moan four years from now when you realize that all your valuables have been stolen again.

Chris